Dear Rhema,
This morning I woke up with abundant joy after months. I had a dream, so vivid and comforting, it felt like a kiss from heaven. In the dream, you were born healthy, peacefully and naturally.
No sooner had I opened my eyes than Ryan hugged me with his usual whirlwind of questions but this time it was all about you: “Will baby call me Anna?” “Is baby going to cry a lot?” “Are baby bones squishy?” It feIt as if heaven gave us a shared dream, where you and I were already together and Ryan was right there, stepping into his big brother shoes loving you in his unique way.
The dream and this early morning interaction was a melody I did not know I needed.
It felt like a prayer answered ahead of time. For the past few months, especially after being admitted with a threatened miscarriage two months ago, I’ve been carrying this constant fear of loss. No matter how hard I tried to pray it away, fear sat stubborn in my chest. I'd try to reach out to God, but I’d slide right back into sin — dramas, endless thoughts, anything but stillness.
I missed Him. I missed that closeness I once knew. And yesterday, maybe out of desperation or maybe hope, I made a decision to begin the 33-day consecration to Our Lady. Not with fireworks or overwhelming faith, but with a small, quiet yes and a surrendered plea for the grace to see it through since I no longer found the strength to carry on. Just a tired heart seeking to come home and never leave.
I am painfully aware that I’ve been the one constantly pulling away but He never let go. Even when I willingly chose to go the other way, even when my prayers felt like hollow echoes, He shielded me from falling too far. I felt His grace as a shield still holding, still steady even as I indulged in my doubt and distraction. He didn’t force me back. He simply waited, patiently, until I was ready.
And in answer to my surrender, He gifted me this moment today reminding me that every prayer is heard and no mess is too tangled for him to rescue me from. The dream gave me something precious: peace, joy and hope. A promise I could cling to. It breathed life into my prayer again - allowing me to be still and completely trusting Him.
I believe, Rhema, that God is preparing something beautiful through you. And today, I carry this promise a little more boldly, with a renewed will to pray constantly and love unwaveringly.
Thank You, Jesus. For the hope and for holding us through every moment.
Until I see you face to face,
Love,
Mom
13 July 2025
