Grace in My Mess

Let’s be honest for a moment. If someone hurts you… what’s your first instinct? To forgive? Or to get even? There’s something in us that says: “If they hurt my eye… it’s only fair I hurt theirs.” It feels like justice. It feels right. Now take it a step further. Think of the most hardened, difficult, even merciless person you know. Here’s the uncomfortable question: Do you think it’s fair if God blesses them… just like He blesses you? Something in us resists that. Because we measure everything by deserving. They don’t deserve it. Mercy Is Not About Deserving And that’s exactly the point. Mercy, by its very nature, is not earned. It is given. “The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love.” — Psalm 103:8  God does not deal with us the way we often deal with each other. He doesn’t keep score the way we do. He doesn’t repay us as our sins deserve. Because if He did… none of us would stand. Look at Jesus After the Resurrec...

Let me ask you something. Have you ever delayed praying b cause you are not feeling it. I’ve been there. More often than I’d like to admit. In fact, on Palm Sunday Mass , I had a moment that really shook me but in a good way. I realized something uncomfortable: I’ve been measuring my relationship with God based on how I feel about what I’m doing … instead of asking, “Is what I’m doing pleasing to God?” That’s a big difference. The Way We Quietly Measure Ourselves If I'm honest, this is I mostly operate: I think we need to feel connected to pray. I think we need to do everything right to stay close to God. And if I miss something like morning prayer, I spiral: “What’s the point now?” “Today is already messed up.” So I wait. I wait for my feelings to align again. I wait to feel “worthy.” I wait to feel more “spiritual.” Then This Hit Me But that’s not how relationship with God works. That’s how  self-centered spirituality  works. In the Book of Daniel, there’s...

Restart. Fall. Restart Again. I don’t know how many times I’ve said, “This is the last time.” And yet… a few days later, I’m back. Kdramas again. That same cycle. And then these words from St. Ephraim the Syrian hit me like truth I couldn’t escape: “Every day I lay a foundation for building repentance, and again with my own hands I tear it apart.” That’s exactly it I pray. I resolve. I start sincere. And then a few hours later “ just one episode.” I don’t walk away from Him dramatically. I drift. Quietly. Repeatedly. The Moment That Exposed Me Today I drifted again  And then I saw Him. Jesus. Fallen on the rough ground. Hand reaching out. Face filled with pain. And something in me froze. I don’t know how to explain it. Not guilt. Not fear. Something deeper. I remembered the last time I saw something like this and was led back. I almost scrolled. But suddenly I realised what was really happening. Not just distraction. Not just habit. 👉 A relationship being p...

There comes a moment in many people’s lives when a quiet question begins to surface: What is God’s plan for my life? Am I walking in it… or have I somehow missed it? Sometimes the question comes during big life decisions. Other times it appears in the middle of ordinary routines—work, family responsibilities, daily struggles. We begin to wonder if we are doing the right thing or if God had something entirely different in mind for us. But the truth is often far more comforting than we imagine. God’s Plan Is Not Always Dramatic Many people assume that living in God’s plan must look extraordinary - something visible, dramatic, or obviously spiritual. We think of priests, religious sisters, missionaries, or saints doing remarkable works. But God’s call is not limited to those vocations. God calls priests and religious , yes. But He also calls parents, teachers, students, workers, caregivers, and neighbors . He calls people living quiet lives filled with daily responsibilities. You...

Have you ever read a Bible verse and thought, This sounds beautiful… but does it really work in real life ? I finally lived the answer. “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight.” — Proverbs 3:5 (RSVCE) This verse was something I practiced during my second pregnancy and it changed everything. Both my pregnancies were different. And the biggest reason wasn’t my age, my body, or medical advances. It was how much I involved God — not occasionally, but intentionally. Seven Years Ago: Faith Present, Fear in Control My first pregnancy was seven years ago. I prayed then too  but my faith wasn’t strong enough to quiet my fear. I was deeply influenced by others and slowly began believing that labour would be unbearable. So when cramping started, panic followed. And the panic only amplified the pain. There was yelling. There was worry. There was very little peace. I wanted a normal delivery, but neither my mind nor my body had fully accepted that it w...

Sometimes I sit in silence and honestly think, “Lord… I don’t even know what I should repent of.” And that itself has been an ongoing struggle for me. It feels like I’m checking the right boxes - not flawless, but decent enough. And my conscience doesn’t disturb me much anymore. This quiet satisfaction, unfortunately, has dulled the deeper call. Recently I came across a video by Fr. Mike Schmitz (1) where, almost in passing, he mentioned something that struck me deeply. He spoke about people who don’t know what they should repent of and said maybe it’s because they have no idea how incredible they are supposed to be . That line stayed with me. Because isn’t it true? We often congratulate ourselves for being “good.” We don’t commit major crimes. We’re faithful spouses. Responsible parents. Decent citizens. But God’s standard? It’s shockingly high. Jesus says even a look of lust is adultery. Even anger in the heart is murder.  Suddenly, it’s not just about outward behavi...