💖 The Weight of Being Known by God

🤔 Let's Talk About Being Seen

I saw a post recently [1] that hit me right in the soul, and I bet it will resonate with many of you. It gets right to the heart of what it means to be fully loved by God.

I've slightly rephrased it to focus on the elements that resonated most deeply with me:

“What terrifies me is not His seeing but His refusal to look away.
Every corner of my soul, even the ones I fear is unlovable, is held in His Mercy.
This is the scandal of Grace, His perfect knowledge did not produce rejection, it produced pursuit.
He saw the sinner I am and stayed!”

Wow. Just read that last line again: "He saw the sinner I am and stayed!"

It is a terrifying thought, isn't it? To be completely naked before the eternal, complete, and unblinking knowledge of God. He doesn't see the carefully curated version of you, the one you show at Mass, or on your resume, or even to your spouse. 

He sees:

 * The prideful thought you had this morning.

 * The excuse you made for skipping prayer (again).

 * The deep, hidden wound you've been nursing for years.

😨 The Frightening Truth of Our Flaws

The visions of saints like Padre Pio give us a glimpse of what that moment after death must be like. It’s not God who condemns us; it’s the brutal, eternal light of Truth that shows the soul how far its choices drifted from the loving path it was created for.

The frightening part is recognizing the truth of our own flawed way of living.

 * He knows I haven't been in fervent prayer for months. (My distractions and excuses feel so small, yet so insurmountable.)

 * He saw the indecision and the fence-sitting. (Do I truly belong to Him? Can I truly turn back?)

But here is the absolute pivot, the point where terror collapses into Divine Mercy:

He saw all of that coldness, distraction, and doubt and He sustained me anyway. He was the silent strength in my lows. He didn't abandon. He kept the sails taut and guided me through the storm.

✨ The Scandal of Grace

That's the Scandal of Grace. God's perfect knowledge did not produce rejection, it produced pursuit.

Where our human reaction to flaw is typically rejection and harsh judgment, leading to withdrawal and the crippling thought, "I'm not good enough," 

God's Divine Reaction is the absolute inverse. His knowledge of our deepest imperfections immediately spurs pursuit, offering profound healing instead of condemnation. Rather than withdrawing, He promises constant presence. Ultimately, His perfect vision silences our inner critic with the absolute, loving truth: "I made you, and you are mine."

His knowledge isn't a weapon used to expose and condemn. It's a surgeon's light, focused with absolute love, seeking to heal and help us accept Him wholly. That acceptance of Mercy is the Love that brings the soul home.

❓ What is Your Response to His Refusal to Look Away?

His love is truly incomprehensible. We experience it not by trying to understand every theological detail, but by a simple act: surrender.

Surrender means accepting that the God who sees your ugliest parts is the God who stayed. It’s a complete trust that His Mercy can transform my current walk into one of true obedience and lasting joy.

What is the "corner of your soul" that you are most afraid of God seeing?

Know that He has seen it and still loves you.

[1] https://www.instagram.com/p/DRQ1qHSEbGQ/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link

--

21 Nov 2025

🕊️ The Quiet Loss: Why "Harmless" Noise Can Drown Out the Divine

Last November, I felt a deep call: to step away from secular music and movies. By God’s Grace, I did it. 

But this past May, I hit a low point, and the noise started creeping back in. Suprprisingly it wasnt the old addiction of Hindi/Tamil series or songs but a new one - Kdrama. 

I used to justify it with a mantra:

𝐂𝐚𝐬𝐮𝐚𝐥. 𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐦𝐥𝐞𝐬𝐬. 𝐍𝐨 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬.
It’s not a sin.
I am not really going back to the old ways.

But every time I indulged, the feeling was the same: I felt a little more tired. A little more disoriented. A little more… leaked.

It wasn't guilt or morality that weighed me down. It was something far deeper: The loss of connection with the Divine. The quiet whisper you can only hear when you stop drowning it out.

The Truth About the Exchange

Addiction or habitual indulgence isn't just a transaction (I give time, I get entertainment). It’s an exchange of Attention, Emotion and Energy.

When that exchange isn't aligned with your calling, you don't just share your time. You share your direction. You scatter the clarity, the focus, and the deep bond with God that you worked so hard to cultivate.

This scattering is what leads to distracted prayers, momentary lapses of peace, and thoughts that are not exactly your own.

🔑 The Real Shift: Understanding Your Purpose

The breakthrough wasn't declaring "drama is wrong." It was realizing: “I finally understand my purpose, and I must guard it.”

Our attentiveness is a sacred gift from God. And sacred things lose their power when they are scattered everywhere.

When you choose things you are called to give up, they don't just fill time but they empty you of your Confidence, Creativity and Clarity

This is why St. Paul warns us:

"All things are lawful for me," but not all things are helpful. "All things are lawful for me," but I will not be enslaved by anything. --1 Corinthians 6:12

We are not saying no because we shouldn't, but because we deserve to feel powerful and aligned, not depleted.

Your time is your sacred currency. Spend it with intention. Choose who enters your mind and heart.

--

🫣 Mark 6:52 Why Are You Still Afraid of the Storms?

My friends, have you ever felt it? That familiar sinking feeling when life throws a storm your way.
A medical diagnosis,
a sudden job loss,
a broken relationship,
or something else that feels like the waves are crashing over the sides of your boat, and you’re sure you’re going under.

And in those moments, if we're honest with ourselves, a foolish question often bubbles up in our hearts: “Where is God in all of this?”

We let the darkness of this one night eclipse every sunrise he's ever painted for us. In that moment we forget all incidents of His Faithfulness and Miracles. 

I was recently reflecting on one such incident in the Gospel, the story of Jesus walking on water. We know it well. The disciples are in a boat, a fierce wind is blowing, and they’re straining against the oars. They’re terrified as they see a figure walking toward them on the water, and they scream, convinced it’s a ghost.

Jesus, with his characteristic calm, says, “Take heart, it is I; have no fear” (Mark 6:50). He gets into the boat, and the wind dies down.

Now, here’s the part that always stops me in my tracks. It’s the very next verse, a little detail we might rush past: 

“And they were utterly astounded, for they did not understand about the loaves, but their hearts were hardened” -- Mark 6:52

Let that sink in.

Just hours before, these same men had witnessed Jesus feed over five thousand people with just five loaves of bread and two fish. And they had collected twelve baskets of leftovers! It was a miracle that defied all human logic, a clear sign of divine power over the natural world.

And yet, when they saw him control the wind and the sea, their hearts were still "hardened." - unwilling to accept or understand.

Mark isn’t saying they were bad men. He's saying their spiritual awareness was slow. They hadn't connected the dots. The miracle of the loaves should have prepared them for the miracle on the water. They should have seen it and said, "Of course it's Jesus! He's the one who provided for thousands out of nothing. Why wouldn't He be able to walk on water or command the sea?"

How often is this us?

We've experienced countless miracles in our own lives. The miracle of the sun rising, a difficult prayer answered, the perfect person showing up just when you needed them, the grace of Confession, the very real presence of Jesus in the Eucharist.

Yet when a new storm comes, and we're just like the disciples, rowing desperately and forgetting everything we’ve learned and experienced. 

We must sharpen our spiritual awareness, connecting the miracles of yesterday with the challenges of today. Let’s not allow our hearts to be hardened by fear, but instead, remember the ways God has provided for us in the past to weather the storms of the present.

Our task is to rekindle the Holy Spirit not as a one-time event, but as a daily practice. We must reinforce our belief that God is always in the boat, even when the waves seem overwhelming.

Let's pray for a renewed spiritual awareness, so that when we see Jesus walking toward us in the midst of our own storms, our first response isn't fear, but a resounding “Amen!”

Because truly, He is always present whispering "it is I; have no fear."

🧑‍🚒 Faith in the Furnace : Trusting God in Every Outcome

Sometimes faith gets tested not in the big, dramatic moments — but in the quiet, personal battles of our everyday lives. For me, this season has been one of those journey that’s both physical and deeply spiritual.

I’m currently trying for a VBAC and it’s been quite a journey. Honestly, a tricky one.

With gestational diabetes, my sugar levels have been unpredictable. Despite the medicines, I’ve now been started on insulin. I need to keep the baby’s weight in check to increase the chances of a normal delivery, but there are days I just feel unsure — one moment I’m confident, the next I’m wondering if it would really work out.

Along with multiple prayers I’ve also read many stories of successful VBACs, even in situations that seemed nearly impossible. Thanks to Anupama Vrisham's classes and some inspiring Instagram testimonials, I’ve found hope when I needed it most.

Yesterday, I randomly searched for “Christian VBAC stories,” and one heading immediately caught my eye:
“What My Failed VBAC Taught Me About the Gospel” [1]

I clicked.
And honestly, it was one of the most eye-opening reads of this journey.

We often glorify God for the outcomes we want that is when our prayers are answered just as we hoped. But that blog reminded me of something deeper: God is still God, even when the results are not what we expected.

It aptly talked about Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, standing before King Nebuchadnezzar, saying,

“Our God whom we serve is able to deliver us from the burning fiery furnace… but if not, be it known to you, O king, that we will not serve your gods.”
-- Daniel 3:17–18 

That “even if not” is where true faith lives.
True surrender isn’t giving up in exchange for a better deal but it’s offering everything to God without reservation, without expectation.

Because we don’t see as He sees.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, says the Lord.”
-- Isaiah 55:8

God always works for a greater good that we may not yet understand. Our prayer, then, should not just be, “Let this happen,” but “Let God be glorified in everything I do and have.”

Just as Jesus said about the man born blind:

“It was not that this man sinned, or his parents, but that the works of God might be made manifest in him.”
--John 9:3

Every situation even the painful or uncertain ones can reveal His glory if we let Him be truly present.

And as we’ve been practicing a new hymn for choir, one line keeps echoing in my heart:

“E’en though it be a cross that raiseth me,
Still all my song shall be, nearer, my God, to Thee.”

That’s my prayer that no matter what happens, VBAC or CSec, joy or disappointment I may always keep moving nearer to God.

Because faith isn’t proven by the result.
It’s proven by trusting Him even when He doesn't.

[1]https://writelydivided.medium.com/what-my-failed-vbac-taught-me-about-the-gospel-9a1283426a2e